Tulips

So, even though I'm in a lot of debt right now (not nearly as much as the average person my age, but a lot for me) I just have this feeling that from now on I can do things right, and I will find ways to pay things off, and to do it quickly. With my own money. It's just this amazing feeling I have.

I also filed my taxes... Ohh boy... Talk about a little debt... I owe them $1,100. So, I'm going to send monthly checks, and do the best I can to pay it off as quickly as possible. I'm also going to set up an account that I can't touch until tax time to put away a certain amount each week, so this can be avoided next year. :)

I also bought some seeds today, because Tom and I are planning on tending a garden this year. We got cucumbers, onions, tomatoes, lettuce, green beans, watermelon, and I was planning on buying some potted tulips for my room, but Elf's won't have any until next week.

Schooling-- Uhg. I am kind of behind in some of my classes because I'm just not getting the material, and we didn't have power forever, so that put me behind as well. :(

Working-- The kids are growing up so fast... Both of their birthdays are next month, Aidan is turning five, and Zoe three. I can't wait until all this snow is gone and it warms up so we can have all sorts of warm-weather fun!

Health-- I went to the doctor's last week, and she told me I need to have surgery on a bump on my skull. I'm scared because I've never had surgery before, and they need to shave a chunk of my hair off to do it. :((

That's basically my thoughts for now in a nutshell... Off to do some homework! (Starting by closing the Facebook tab!)

Knowing?

I am so sick of you accusing me of being angry with you, over simple things that you mis-interpret. And then proceeding to get pissed off at me for trying to explain myself to you after you've yelled at me for being angry with you. Wtf is that? Why can't you just take my word that I'm not angry at you, and stop trying to read too far into simple things? If I tell you I'm not angry at you, I'm not effing angry at you. But it's going to make me upset if you keep telling me that I am angry at you, and then get mad and walk away because I'm telling you I'm not. WTF?

Join the Bandwagon

Dismissed for the norm

I can't handle your glory

I'm in my own form

I am not your life story

Gradually you will find

That yes, I have my own mind

Generation X

Is not your best

Forgotten times

Let us rewind

To when you treated me a that way

Okay, deny it

But I'll always fill in the rest

Unconditional love

Is what I feel for you

The times you twist

Are just minors I will rise above

We are standing on hard rocks now

They are not sharp, as they were before

But we still take careful steps

Will we forever dance on rocks

In constant fear of slipping

Oh look what we have done

Take a bow, take a bow

It's not very good, but I don't normally write about things that aren't love or anger, or set at this particular "group".

Move On, Please.

What is your point? I don't care for you anymore, and I haven't for almost two years now. What is the point of bringing me back to your outward thoughts every so often? Our friendship is gone. You have hurt and betrayed me too much. I am a forgiving person when it comes down to it. I may hold a grudge for a while, but ninety percent of the time I get over it and forgive. But not with you. I can't be friends with someone who I can't trust. Who would go behind my back every chance they got. I don't see the pleasure in your sick games and I never will. Hopefully, one day you will grow up and be a mature adult and learn how to function without manipulating the people around you. I truly hope this happens for you. Otherwise, you will never feel the joy and goodness of a real friendship on both sides. Using people as your puppets does not count as friendships. Just saying you are friends with someone, but talking badly and constantly behind their backs is not friendship. So like I said before, I hope you can grow up and learn to have good, wholesome relationships, and stop hurting everyone around you, even if they are oblivious to your ways.

Hello winter depression, I've been avoiding you.

I was doing... fine... until recently. I'm back to my insomniac spiraling drain called winter. You love winter... I've been trying to love it with you, because I'm in love with you. I've been in the Christmas spirit, until Christmas sucked. The pressure of it all... I think I totally bypassed it last year because it was my first. I avoided any and all stress by immersing myself in the general children's joy of it all. This year... Not so much. The money, the snippy comments, the unhappiness of others... It added up quickly. Then the actual day. It was probably the hardest. Dinner with his extended family... Having to bring a sandwich because I would not eat what his grandmother was serving. Most likely furthering the personal vendetta she has out for me. [Oh, Thanksgiving was a joy for this reason as well] Feeling... odd... I was the only veteran girlfriend/boyfriend this year... I miss Adam... :( We had this kind of bond last year on Christmas. Cause we were there, being apart of their family, together. This year I felt like the odd man out because I was the only one out of the three boyfriend/girlfriends brought who wasn't "new". And I love her, but every year there is something wrong, something that doesn't meet Ashley's standards. It sometimes gets to the point where you want to question whether she is 23 or 13.

I've just gotten to the point where I can't avoid my sadness any longer. I thought I could make it this season, but I guess I was wrong.

I would love to meet a fellow person around my age who is paying for college on their own. I'd love to hear how they cope with it. I'm starting to think I'm going to need to join a support group pretty soon. The only thing that I can be remotely proud of right now is that I haven't had a single thing that isn't all-natural or organic for a few months now. I used to have one day every week to two weeks that I would call my "preservative day", but since I watched Food Inc, it just pushed me to never have those again.

Tom and I have passed the two year mark... He says he's never been more in love, or happy. He now talks about our future a lot, and how we're going to spend it. And yet I sit here and still question. It is going to take me a while to trust him fully again, and he knows it. I'm not okay with some of the things he does, and he's not okay with some of the things I do. But we're working on it. But even with that going on, we've got this amazing comfortable vibe for each other. Guess if we didn't always have things going on, it would get a little on the monotone side.

I have this silly qualm with him... And I know it's really not a big deal, but it bothers me for some reason. He has never ever said anything about me or us as a couple on his facebook, other than his relationship status to me. He says it's because everyone who we know on facebook pretty much knows we're a couple and happy, so why should he tell everyone the important things in his life? He says that if the people are important enough to know the important things in his life, he's not going to tell them on facebook. However, I find nothing wrong with just saying "Hanging with my girl tonight!"Or anything along those lines. If he can constantly update about how much he doesn't want to study for Chemistry class, he can update on the fact that he's going on a date with his girlfriend. Just my stance on it. Feel free to input.

Megan

Same old thoughts, new day.

I'm lucky. I'm lucky to have a boyfriend who listens to me when I rant and rave, when I tell him about my day, even if sometimes he pretends he isn't. I'm lucky to have a family that cares for me as much as mine does, loving me no matter what. I'm lucky to work for such wonderful people that it doesn't even seem like work 99.5% of the time. I'm lucky to have an adoptive family who cares for me, and puts up with me on my bad days. I'm lucky to have two brothers who look up to me, and care about what I say. I'm lucky for many things, and I don't think I realize it enough. These people have done soooo much for me. I need to always keep this in the back of my mind, or I'll either take advantage of it, or forget it. Ah, the flaws of human nature. Somehow I just can't get this to be philosophical post. It's turning out to be more of a late-Thanksgiving listing, but initially, that's not what I'm going for. I hope I'll gain my knack for writing back eventually. Just like my reading. It's been wonderful. I've missed books. I love that word even. Books. They are these fabulous things that do EVERYTHING. Help you travel to another world, meet the love of your life, battle an array of things, from dragons to web-footed computer chips, give you the ability to dance, fly, and dream. Ah, books. Such wondrous things.

Bitches

Am I restless or scared?
That is pretty much the biggest question on my mind right now. I need to know why I'm feeling this way... What it means. Is it me still being scared from before, or am I getting to the point where every little thing is going to bother me? I'm starting to think it's all in my head. I'm working myself up way too much, expecting more than I usually do... Or am I looking at things from a different angle, and nothing has really changed? Am I training my mind to think those things? I know none of this makes sense to anyone but me, but no one really reads this anymore, and I needed to write it out, maybe even come back to it, learn from it.